What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

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Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

What are the extra benefits of a smart TV?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

How is TikTok able to censor porn?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

My dog is 2 weeks old. He's not eating, moving and always sleeping and I can't take him to a vet. What should I do?

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

What is the cost of implementing synchronized traffic lights in a mid-sized city?

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

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Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Why cant I motivate myself to go to school (grade 10)?

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

What a list actors/ actresses are notorious for being jerks in real life?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

What are the beliefs of those who think climate change is a conspiracy theory? What do they predict will happen if we do not address it?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Make Nazis afraid again!

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